#71: You Can Change Your Life In 90 Days

And it doesn't have to be expensive.

Exactly three months ago, I didn't know how to be okay.

As overdramatic as it sounds now, I didn't know then how to face the next day. And the next one after that.

On the tenth of July this year, I had 3 hours of sleep punctuated by panic attacks. I couldn't eat properly. I missed work. I couldn't think about anything else—I could only feel.

I felt a lump in my throat, tears welled up in my eyes like clockwork, and there was a knot in my stomach that none of my loved ones' words could untangle. My body felt so weak and I wanted to rest so badly, but I was so scared of falling asleep just to be jolted back into reality.

"Breakups happen all the time, you don't have to lose it," said Taylor Swift in one of her songs.

Yet that's how I felt—like I was losing it as I lose not just a precious relationship, but also a part of me, a version of me, and the future I had imagined.

Three months after that rock bottom, here I am with a life so different it feels like a dream.

No, I didn't buy a car. I didn't move to another country (yet). I didn't quit my job to start a business. None of my circumstances have dramatically changed.

But I did.

To be clear, it didn't happen overnight. It took one tiny healthy choice after another, slowly healing day after day.

I've started working on my passion projects again. I'm taking my goals more seriously now, and I'm trying harder at work. I've reconnected with old friends and met new ones who have been helping me remember how wonderful I've always been and realize how loved and supported I am today. I've started working out again, carving out time to practice my Christian faith, and rebuilding my self-esteem and confidence. I've set appointments with my therapist, dermatologist, hair stylist, and dentist—trying my best to learn how to take better care of my body. I've been reorganizing my finances too, as well as my productivity systems. I've gotten to know myself a little deeper, and I'm proud of learning new ways to self-soothe and reassure myself when the anxiety and self-doubt creeps in. I've forgiven those who have hurt me—but most importantly, I've forgiven myself.

Three months ago I didn't think it was possible to feel this peace, to feel...happy.

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