#48: Falling In Love (Again)

What’s your current relationship status?

I don’t mean to pry ✌🏻 It’s just that lately, a lot of my friends are either getting serious with their significant other, getting engaged, or getting married. Super stoked and happy for them!

And a little jealous (sometimes), to be honest.

But if you ever heard Tori Kelly’s “Dear No One,” that’s kind of my vibe right now: I’m not actively looking for someone, but it would be nice to have someone again someday.

While listening to my friends as they recount how they fell in love (and stayed in love), I noticed one recurring factor: Peace.

Sue me and all the rom-com movies I’ve watched, but I’ve always thought love should drive you crazy.

It isn’t love if there isn’t a whole freaking zoo in your tummy when you see that person. It should be hard to eat, sleep, or concentrate when you’re into someone so deeply. It should drive you mad and confused and apparently, always rushing to the airport to stop them and confess your love right before an important flight or whatever. LOL.

But so far, it’s actually the opposite (according to my happily coupled friends, anyway).

Instead of raging zoos and stomachs tied in knots, it’s a sense of zen—of calm, assurance, and peace that made them realize they found the one. Which rings more true for you when you’re in love? The zoo-in-your-tummy feeling or the zen vibe?

After 4 years (was pretty surprised to realized it has been four years!) of being alone but not lonely, of breaking down and breaking through, of stumbling and standing back up, of learning and working on myself,

I fell in love again.

Hold your horses, though. I’m not talking about a new guy.

To be clear, I fell in love again with life. With possibilities. With the ordinary days. With both solitude and social highs.

And I found peace far beyond all understanding. I found grace (or Grace found me, to be exact). I’m filled with wonder and gratitude knowing that I am loved by God more than I can imagine (and He loves you in this grand and astounding way too!). For the first time in a long while, that is enough. ❤️

I used to anchor my self-worth in the external validation I get from romantic relationships. As you might’ve guessed, that led me nowhere but heartbreak. But God is good.

He showed me the kind of love that never leaves, never fails, never gives up. He sees my worst but He strengthens me so I could try again and give my best for His glory. He picked up all the pieces of my messy life and put me back together again.

So I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m good whether someone comes along or not, because I’ve found that only God’s love can fill the void in my heart.

If it is His will for me to be forever single, I don’t mind a future that entails living with my doggos, tending a garden, hanging out with friends, loving my family, traveling to beautiful places, writing books, singing old and new songs, volunteering for charities, chasing creativity, and being content in Christ. ❤️

But if God does send somebody, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. 😌

Here’s to falling in love (all over again) with God ✨

PS: Labryinth feels like an apt song for this post.

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